Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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