You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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