I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
