Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
