Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When are your genitals available?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize