he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
