??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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