For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
