I cockslap morals
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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