They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
