Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
