im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
