It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
