i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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