took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
