This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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