i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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