We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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