Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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