She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
