would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
