sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
