Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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