I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm bleeding and have questions
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
