they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
