You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
