Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it glows. i had to have it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
