do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just had sex bonerless
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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