So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
