the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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