So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
