i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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