If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dicks are not precious.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
