I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
