he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
