What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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