3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
