fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
