It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
