evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
