It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
