I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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