And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
