also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
