Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Four minutes until I can fart!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
