pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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