I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
as a side note pls kill me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
