theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
