And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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