no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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