No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
North Korea, Best Korea!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
