no, he came in my armpit
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
