one two three fourrrrnication!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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