all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
